Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
