i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Randomize
