didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
