You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
