I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
