how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
