shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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