Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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