Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
She needs sedatives and a leash
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
