Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize
