know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
