I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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