we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
