your thong is hanging out like whoa
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
