I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
