it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
