okay pat passed out under dana's car
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
