just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
