And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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