my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
