Ambien. No doubt about it.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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