let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
My life is pants optional.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
