If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Randomize
