Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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