dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
love makes seman taste better
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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