I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Oh god it's open bar.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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