I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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