Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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