So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
