dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
