her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
