Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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