you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
