D3 body, D1 cock
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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