glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Randomize
