just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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