Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
