if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
