Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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