i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
