You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
