She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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