I think I died a long time ago.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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