were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
