At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
We're too hungover to prance.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
