I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
