its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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