The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
