so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
