i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
