what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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